You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
