I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
