I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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