grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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