This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
