I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
