I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
