She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
