Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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