So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
