Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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