Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
