I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
