im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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