i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
