My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
