I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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