I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
