I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
