I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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