Got a toothbrush?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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