My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He shit in the fireplace
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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