don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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