i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
