I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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