I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
