I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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