stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
