My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
