Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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