Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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