Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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