Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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