1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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