is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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