It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
