I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my liver is dry heaving
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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