my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
