If i come over, it means nothing
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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