I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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