I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
