The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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