if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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