I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
