She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
