Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
