Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
