he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
