i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
