And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nicole vs. Life
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
