i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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