my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
