I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
