It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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