the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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