I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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