Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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