I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
