About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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