somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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