watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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