something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
