Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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