I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
