not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
