Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
