found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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