We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
